rahrahfeminista
Thursday, June 13, 2002
Yes yes. I realize I posted 2 seconds ago. But this warrants a new post. I was an anthropologist yesterday. I went out to the field. I was amazed and amused by every minute. I (along with Gordon, Matt, John, Ruth, and Li Ju) went to the Mozilla "one point oh" launch party at DNA lounge last night. I've been to DNA lounge before, and I've seen open source types before, but I've never seen quite so many in one place. I wasn't quite sure what to think.
As a female, I actually felt somewhat self-conscious going in, as the male to female ratio was just totally off and I'm used to clubs being somewhat predatory places even with normal ratios. So I clung close to Ruth and when I ran into another girl I know off of Systers, we formed a circle, and I felt more protected. Then, people waving glowing objects and wearing neon clothing began to populate the stage. First a short, very fit woman in a bright pink halter, flowered bikini bottom, and a small, tight leather cap, came and gave an expressive, earnest performance during which her cap constantly evoked comparisons to the Village People. Next, a lean, lanky young-thing waving what looked to be tennis balls on strings, also taking himself very very seriously. And then the showstopper. Conan the Barbarian came out, with long brown hair wearing nothing but a speedo with tattered cloth hanging off of it to simulate a war worn loin cloth. Accentuating his nipples where two big, bold Xs, formed by thick blacklight glow-tape. And he was earnestly gesturing with glow-painted bowling pins. Oh be still my heart, I cannot stop laughing.
Graduation looms large. But I'm just not feeling it. The need to have those last days of partying. The awareness of jarring change. Where some feel like their lives are in the middle of an explosion that rivals Krakatoa, my life is the slowly pouring lava that trickles constantly, because that's what lava does. In contrast, I acutally feel like the end of the school year is a relief from the tiny but constant wave of explosions that have marked the last year. Berlin, lead-on boy, stick-up-ass boy, Sept 11, fall quarter stress-fest, and this quarters numerous distractions mostly involving the severe mental disturbance of others brushing up against me when I least expect it. Of course, a lot of amazing things have happened too. Women in CS group, strengthened friendships, and a lot of growing up. It's not as if it's been a shitty year. It's just been a tiring one.
I slept 12 hours or something last night. And now I'm disoriented and my head hurts. :P I thought college students were never supposed to get enough sleep! Am I officially becoming a lame grad student? I will forever remain in denial. *yawn* Time to go back to bed.
Sunday, June 09, 2002
I wonder if Brave New World is here. I don't think things are quite so pronounced in their twistedness than that. I don't think stratification is that explicit, for example. But sometimes the things you see out and about as totally normal cultural artifacts (I can't believe I just said "cultural artifacts." I feel so pretentious. But that's what they are.) are truly twisted and nobody seems to notice.
I just went to the grocery store. Guess what? I didn't really see what's happening in the world news, but Tom Cruise has braces! And Carnie Wilson? She got a liposuction, breast life, and a tummy tuck. (This is our news? No wonder the whole world things we're fat, self-absorbed, dull-witted assholes.) "The singer who famously lost 152 lbs. talks frankly about the next step: the reconstructive procedures that changed her, outside and in." (Didn't she get her gastrointestinal surgery on the internet? She's gotta have issues?) Reconstructive surgery? It's not as she was in a car accident, horribly malformed, and is now being restored to how she grew up being. She was just round. Nothing is being reconstructed. Only constructed. I have not read the article. I bought it for Terra's bathroom reading. I read from a feminist perspective, but I feel guilty for giving dollars to support the cause that is People magazine. I can just see the executives lying back in their chairs saying "Fat fun is just flying off the shelves." Should feminists only shoplift People? Is that immoral? Is People immoral? Are both?
Another shrapnel of cultural irony. I found this ad in another magazine in the Terra bathroom. It was People, come to think of it. I just flipped to the back page of this ad to check the publication but found no clues because there was a cigarette ad there. *sigh* So here it is. Twinlab Energy Fuel.
"How did we come up with the first energy drink for women?
Nothing to it. n0 calories. n0 fat. n0 carbs. n0 sugar."
"Fill your life with positive energy. New Energy Fuel."
"Finally, there's a drink that zeros in on just the kind of energy a woman needs. New Energy Fuel. No calories, fat, carbs, or sugar means it's full of energy *free of guilt*."
And the media doesn't influence eating disorders? Here it is fucking spelled out. The pharmaceutical companies realize my dillemma. I need energy to live, but the calories that provide real energy make me less thin, less female, less desirable, less valid, less a woman. So they're going to chemically stimulate me so I can live a short, bright, gorgeous life punctuated by a sputtering, quick, invisible death. Yeah, this is being dramatic. But really, the whole sitaution is dramatic and evil in a way I would have never asserted if I didn't have this shameless and pathetic ad sitting in front of me.
Argh. >:-[
Will this work? Or will it be a frickin' VBScript error? There's nothing more frustrating than pouring your soul into a JTextArea hole and having it reject you with some sort of script twitch.
